retail therepy

So last night I needed a little stress relief. Sometimes I like to wander aimlessly in shops. Often browsing but usually buying something. The other day I had gone to Homegoods. They didn’t have much then but I had seen a can opener that I decided to go back for (its pink) I went back to the store last night and low and behold Wednesday is markdown day at Homegoods. I had to restrain my self. However I ended up leaving with:

 2 la cruset dishes  price 5.00 each

a wicker basket  price 5.00

a giant porcelain teapot 5.00

a old fashioned white water or milk pitcher 3.00

pack of Michael kors socks     6.00

bargain heaven is so lovely.

However I cant seem to shake this funk. Maybe its a good thing. I have been reading at the request of my therapist. Healing the shame that binds you. It is amazing how reading this book is making the pieces fit togther. Everything as far as the healing process is happening so fast right now that it is a bit overwhelming. But for the first time in my life I am feeling as though Not everything is my fault. And am hopeful of the day when I will be able to be my true self.

As a survivor of abuse I cant tell you how much that follows you around. I wasn’t abused as a child but as a young adult. I was in a bad unhealthy relationship. However I feel more broken then ever. when you are in that situation you are in pure survival mode. you pack everything down. way down. Now that I am experiencing happiness, those feelings are rearing their ugly heads. It makes everything so raw and painful. And most of all present .

Try as I may I am unable to supress them anymore. I know that that is a good thing. I cant stop now. But it sucks.

Retail therepy helps:0

I think today I am going to buy a new bible. I think that I havent been reading it latley because the scriptures that I currently have are a reminder of my las tchurch and the hurt that comes from that.

new start new bible new me same Lord.

Sounds good to me:)