conservation at home

So I am loving my new place and the villiage that I am living in. I live off the main drag, however the street next over is a dream to walk home from the train. It has the most quaint little cottage style houses , although there is one that is soo out of place large and bare. The thing that I like most about this walk home is that all of the houses have great gardens. Flowers and veggies growing everywhere. There is one houde that has a conservation at home sign out in the front. The other night when I was walking home I discovered the owners were sitting on the frint porch a lovely couple maybe mid 50″s eating theor dinner and relaxing with a glass of wine on the front porch. I watched them interact with eachother and my heart ws filled. These people truly loved eachother and were freinds. They loved the humble home that they had and their garden and were taking the time to enjoy it. That was it . That is exaclty what I want. Nothing big, infact it was just the oppisite. simple and calming. Peacefull filled with respect for eachother and the earth. I found what i want now I need to set my eye on the goal.

New Home

OK so I said in the last few posts that I would blog more often. However I should have said that after the move. I am moving in slowly this week and will be all done on saturday. Woot. Life is crazy but good. I am so greatful for all of you and will be updating the links in the next few days,

 

See you next week.

retail therepy

So last night I needed a little stress relief. Sometimes I like to wander aimlessly in shops. Often browsing but usually buying something. The other day I had gone to Homegoods. They didn’t have much then but I had seen a can opener that I decided to go back for (its pink) I went back to the store last night and low and behold Wednesday is markdown day at Homegoods. I had to restrain my self. However I ended up leaving with:

 2 la cruset dishes  price 5.00 each

a wicker basket  price 5.00

a giant porcelain teapot 5.00

a old fashioned white water or milk pitcher 3.00

pack of Michael kors socks     6.00

bargain heaven is so lovely.

However I cant seem to shake this funk. Maybe its a good thing. I have been reading at the request of my therapist. Healing the shame that binds you. It is amazing how reading this book is making the pieces fit togther. Everything as far as the healing process is happening so fast right now that it is a bit overwhelming. But for the first time in my life I am feeling as though Not everything is my fault. And am hopeful of the day when I will be able to be my true self.

As a survivor of abuse I cant tell you how much that follows you around. I wasn’t abused as a child but as a young adult. I was in a bad unhealthy relationship. However I feel more broken then ever. when you are in that situation you are in pure survival mode. you pack everything down. way down. Now that I am experiencing happiness, those feelings are rearing their ugly heads. It makes everything so raw and painful. And most of all present .

Try as I may I am unable to supress them anymore. I know that that is a good thing. I cant stop now. But it sucks.

Retail therepy helps:0

I think today I am going to buy a new bible. I think that I havent been reading it latley because the scriptures that I currently have are a reminder of my las tchurch and the hurt that comes from that.

new start new bible new me same Lord.

Sounds good to me:)

 

update part on memarvolusme:)

I have to tell you that it is so nice being back and feeling slightly normal. For my few regulars here is the skinny on what has been going on since the winter depression.

 I am still loving being the private investigator. I have also been promoted to the lead Investigator/ Office manager. I love my job and I think that every single girl should work for three former Chicago Bears Its the bomb:)

I am moving at the beginning of next month into a new apartment . I wasn’t planning on moving until July but it all fell into place. I am a little rushed but it will be soooo nice to not have roommates for the first time in five years. Woo Hoo ( to all my former roommates I love you but who doesn’t love to dance around to music after their shower. ( fully robed of course)

I am going to therapy and loving it> It is emotional and trying but I think for the first time I am finding who I am and healing the little girl that was hurt. I think that when you get to the point where you cant stuff it all down anymore. It is like your mind spirit healing itself.

I am cultivating loving healthy relationships with my friends and hopefully my family.

I am making peace with myself.

I am letting it all out and I dont regret it:)

After I left Rick I clung to the church that I joined. I became lost and emersed in it. I have to tell you that is something in my life that is also changing.  Going to church has been something that I have done all of my life. Something changed a while back. I joined the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints aka Mormons. Without saying anything bad because I believe that we all pray to the same God.   I have taken  a step back. I am lloking for something else. SOmething that will uplift me. Funny how since I have stepped back my Faith seems to be magnified. I feel as though I am on the right path.

I have been to a few churches in the area trying to find where I fit in. But I have to say that through this wonders internet world. I have discivered this site. http://withoutwax.tv/ I was led there through a wonderful woman who has touched my heart at this site http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/. I feel blessed to have been led by the Lord to them and also by them back to the Lord. How amazing life san become when you just remember where you have come from and where you are going.

I feel so much Love right now in my life and I know that it is the Love of Christ. I needed to be reminded that because my Plan B wasnt working Neither for that matter was my plan A I had to turn it over to HIM. THe minute that I was humbled and brought to my knees I felt more love than I ever have.

I dont know where you pray or how you pray or who you pray to but imaginw what it will be like when you realize that just as much as we Adore him he Adores us . What a wonderful thought. TO know that I have millions of sisters and brothers that he adores makes me look a little diffrently at each and everyone of you. And for that  I praise him.

I promise that I will be better about blogging because I cant wait to hear from all of you. New and old.

Have a awsome night and remember ALL is Well.

Much Love  Kim

Im back and going green

 Ok so I am sorry that I have been away for so long. I have just been working on myself and discovering alot. I will be catching everyone up over the next few posts. One thing that I have become passionate about is going green on a budget. It is so much fun and the changes that I have made have made me feel just awsome. I am thinking that I might do a consulting bussiness on the side to help other people. Any thoughts?

On another note please keep Faith and Holli in your prayers Faith is feeling a bit under the wather and they are not sure what is going on. www.baby-faith.com